The Beach, Early Sunday Morning

[moreofaponchoguy]

Last night had been a lot.

This morning had been A Whole Lot.

Cal had been through the ringer before, but nothing in Fandom had affected him this deeply, and as soon as Arden was settled and resting, he hit his breaking point. Cal made sure Kamala and her family were going to stay with Arden, and then headed down the outside stairs of the manor, because if he had to see Duke or Grimm for one more second his waning self-control might snap.

He made it to the beach and dropped to his knees at the edge of the water before finally being sick, bile rising from the stress of Arden's injuries, the vision he'd seen, and the pounding ache in his head. Once his stomach was under control again, he shifted back and closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down and meditate, but his safe mental space was darker and twisted, and the calm refused to come.

He opened his eyes and tried to slow his breathing as he grabbed for his communicator. "Cere? I know it's early, I'm sorry. I need help."

[For his friends! Cal, Cere, and Greez being on the beach is good for broadcast, but the conversation is NFB.]

Comments

[moreofaponchoguy]

"I'm still thinking about going to North Carolina and seeing how Callista likes having sharp things stuck in her, but I won't," Cal said. "If for no other reason than Arden wouldn't want me to, and it would probably just make the problem worse. Plus..." He trailed off for a second, catching Greez's expression and realizing what he was really asking. "Plus I can't really do anything if I'm going home, right?"

[mantiscrew]

"Yeeeah, about that," Greez said. "You are coming back with us, right?"

"Do you want to come back with us, is what Greez is asking," Cere added.

[moreofaponchoguy]

"Of course I'm coming back with you. I can't stay here," Cal said. "The Empire isn't just going to sit and wait for me while I take a beach vacation. We have a lot of work to do, and you guys need me. The Order needs me, the Partisans need me, I can't stay."

Did he sound super convincing?

[mantiscrew]

No, as a matter of fact, he did not sound convincing, and Cere's expression got more gentle as she sat down next to him. "Cal, Greez and I have been talking over the last few days, and we think it actually might be a good idea if you stay here," she said. "And before you start arguing--" because hi, she'd known him for more than a few minutes, "--we're not saying you're completely wrong, and we're not happy about being apart. But taking a break here could be good. The Empire hasn't been sitting and waiting, we barely knew you were missing."

"And there's no telling how the time thing works because this place is all screwy," Greez said. "But if you get time here and it's not so much time there, that all works out."

"You've got to start thinking about yourself," Cere added. "Our world is better with you in it, but the Partisans don't need you. You can only give so much of yourself before you run out of anything to give at all."

"Plus, laying low for a little while might be safer for all of us. Your bounty's starting to get so high that our allies might be tempted to turn you in themselves," Greez said, looking defensive as Cere shot him a dirty look. "What? I thought we agreed to be honest with him?"

[moreofaponchoguy]

"I can't just think about myself," Cal said, which was how he ended up with a bounty on him in the first place. "That's not how I was trained, and it's not how I want to live. I stayed here because I couldn't get home, but now that I can get home, I can't justify staying."

[mantiscrew]

Cere didn't want it to come to this, but it was time to bring out Cal's greatest nemesis: logic.

"Cal, in all the strangeness of this place, you mentioned there were other Force users here. Are they also in a position where they can't get home?"

[moreofaponchoguy]

Nope, he did not like where this was going at all.

"No, as far as I know, they can all get home," he said.

[mantiscrew]

"So, they go home, and come back here, and everything turns out all right?" Cere asked.

[moreofaponchoguy]

Cal siiiighed deeply. "Yes, but--"

[mantiscrew]

"Hold your but," Cere said, putting her hand up in his face. "If they can split their time between our world and here, why can't you? And do not even think about saying it's because you're special, because I will throw you right back in that water."

[moreofaponchoguy]

Excuse you, Cere, he was a very special boy and you were rude to deny him of that. "If I'm here, I'm going to worry about all of you. If I'm home, I'm going to worry about everyone here." He sank a little in the sand, the last of his anger fading to what felt like childish annoyance. "Even after all these months, I don't know which one to pick."

[mantiscrew]

"That's the whole point! You're not picking, you're just expanding your travels," Greez said. "You stay here for a while, you take some classes, you sort some junk, and when we need you at home, you come back to us until things are sorted out again. It might not be perfect, but it's better than sticking with one or the other, right?"

"Unless," Cere said slowly, "you have some reservations about staying here. Maybe reservations involving the people here?"

[moreofaponchoguy]

99% of the time, having Cere as an ally was amazing, but the 1% of the time she saw right through him was always a little unpleasant. "No, everything here has been great. Really, really great."

[mantiscrew]

"Oh? Ooooh," Greez said, lighting up. "Really, really great, huh? So this is about the girl."

[moreofaponchoguy]

"No, this has nothing to do with Arden," Cal said, probably a little too quickly. "I mean, it does have to do with her right now, because she's still really sick from everything that happened, and I don't know how long she's going to need to recover, and just disappearing while she's still sick feels like a really cruel move. But there's nothing going on between us."

[moreofaponchoguy]

Cal wasn't the only one who'd been having an awful night. Anyone who said droids didn't have feelings had never met BD-1. He'd had to watch Arden be sick, and then watch Cal be stressed and angry, and there was nothing he could do about any of it. So often, for so much of his life, the people around him dealt with terrible things and there was nothing he could do. But this... no, Cal wasn't the only one who'd reached his breaking point on this beach, because BD-1 couldn't handle any more lies.

"Are you serious?!" he yelled. "What do you mean?! Arden is crazy about you! You're crazy about her! You got married! You got future married! You could be happy but you won't let yourself be! And now you're going to run home to hide! He stamped his feet on the ground in frustration. "Stop lying! If you're afraid, just say it! But stop lying and saying you don't care about her!"

[mantiscrew]

There was an awkward silence for a moment before Greez let out a low whistle. "Wow, I don't need to speak droid to know he's got a point."

[moreofaponchoguy]

Cal rolled his eyes at Greez before leaning towards BD. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't realize this upset you so much. Why haven't you said anything to me?"

"Because attachments are bad and I didn't want you to feel bad for being attached," BD-1 said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You do like her, right?"

"I mean... it's complicated."

[mantiscrew]

"Feelings usually are," Cere said. "Can I get a little more information on the 'married' part?"

"Wait, there was a married part?" Greez said. "I've gotta learn some of these noises."

[moreofaponchoguy]

"I can't even begin to try to explain the married thing," Cal said. "It was weird and it's not real and that's all I can give you at the moment. But the feelings... well, BD's not entirely wrong."

"I'm not at all wrong," he said with another stomp. "You know how good my eyes are, you upgraded them."

[mantiscrew]

"And if you go home, those feelings will magically disappear over time and distance," Cere said plainly. "Because that's how caring for someone works, the care just dissolves once you don't see them anymore."

[moreofaponchoguy]

"You know, being rude isn't really becoming of a Jedi," Cal replied. "We have rules. Jedi not forming attachments is one of the most important ones. I told you, I've been doing my best to take care of myself here, and that means following the rules and doing everything I'm supposed to do."

[mantiscrew]

"I have no doubt that you've done well here. Arden made sure we knew that," Cere said gently. "Never long at rest, always finding ways to help out, that's what you do." She got quiet and thoughtful for a moment, gazing out at the water. "We've talked so much about rebuilding the Order, but I don't think we've really discussed what that would entail, or what guidelines we might need to let go of."

[moreofaponchoguy]

"We can't let go of the Code, Cere. That's what makes us who we are," Cal argued.

[mantiscrew]

"Cal, do you really think a mantra makes us who we are? Some words we say to ourselves, so ingrained we barely think about them?" Cere shook her head. "Maybe it's a good thing I didn't train Padawans for long, because I'm probably not a good teacher."